I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
