I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
