He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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