R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
