I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize