I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
