I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
