So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
