Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
