Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize