i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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