How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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