I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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