My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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