my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
