just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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