so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
