and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
