So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
