haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
