If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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