And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
