He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize