the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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