He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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