the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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