I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
