kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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