mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize