i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
