I showed him my bush... on skype.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
