What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
