My liver just broke up with me...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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