I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
