At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
