tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I checked into jail on foursquare
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize