i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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