so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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