I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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