God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
