I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
