So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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