I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
