He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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