I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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