i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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