So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
