i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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