I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
