Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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