so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
