I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just puked most of my soul out..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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