She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
