that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
