happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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