stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
