I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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