i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
