i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
