Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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