I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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