My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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