So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Who died my cat blue again?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
