I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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