Are we in a gay sports bar?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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