the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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