Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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