also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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