My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
