He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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