I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
bring money and cleavage
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
