saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
