real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
