there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
