i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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